I Was a Surgeon!
November 30, 2000
Did you know that I was a surgeon before I went into computers? Surprising but true. I interned at Valley Medical in the mid 90's, but decided that it wasn't for me after a couple of years of insanely late hours and no home life, so I decided to go into computers instead, which I had been toying with for...
Did you know that I was a surgeon before I went into computers? Surprising but true. I interned at Valley Medical in the mid 90's, but decided that it wasn't for me after a couple of years of insanely late hours and no home life, so I decided to go into computers instead, which I had been toying with for...
Important Observations
November 29, 2000
#1. In Longbeach, several months ago, I discovered that if you eat a really heavy meal and then go swimming, if you exhale and fall back into the water, you (or at least I) will sink gently to the bottom of the pool and can play Ophelia until you run out of breath. Key notes from this experience include: Even...
#1. In Longbeach, several months ago, I discovered that if you eat a really heavy meal and then go swimming, if you exhale and fall back into the water, you (or at least I) will sink gently to the bottom of the pool and can play Ophelia until you run out of breath. Key notes from this experience include: Even...
No More Teacher's Dirty Looks
November 28, 2000
Given a choice between living a life of school and study or cubicles and work, who among us would not choose school? How I envy the kids I tutor! They have such structured lives, all kindly arranged with small goals fully explained leading into big goals, always being set up for success, receiving regular reinforcement in the form of grades,...
Given a choice between living a life of school and study or cubicles and work, who among us would not choose school? How I envy the kids I tutor! They have such structured lives, all kindly arranged with small goals fully explained leading into big goals, always being set up for success, receiving regular reinforcement in the form of grades,...
Twelve Months, No Progress
November 27, 2000
Wow. Stumbled across this email. Sort of a one-year-ago-today sort of thing. It amazes me to see this after all this time. If you asked, "hey, what sort of a year did you have, Scott?" I'd use adjectives such as transformative, amazing, educational, annoying, directive, and on and on in grandiose terms. And yet, on a day to day basis,...
Wow. Stumbled across this email. Sort of a one-year-ago-today sort of thing. It amazes me to see this after all this time. If you asked, "hey, what sort of a year did you have, Scott?" I'd use adjectives such as transformative, amazing, educational, annoying, directive, and on and on in grandiose terms. And yet, on a day to day basis,...
Let Them Use Credit
November 26, 2000
Congratulations Sir and/or Madam, or just Sir, or just Madam, or Sirmadam, as is appropriate, In recognition of your excellent credit management, long history with our institution, and outstanding ability to curl your tongue, Megafinance Mutual, previously Travelers and First USA, prior to the merger between Financial Limited and US Savings and Trust, which was known before the acquisition as...
Congratulations Sir and/or Madam, or just Sir, or just Madam, or Sirmadam, as is appropriate, In recognition of your excellent credit management, long history with our institution, and outstanding ability to curl your tongue, Megafinance Mutual, previously Travelers and First USA, prior to the merger between Financial Limited and US Savings and Trust, which was known before the acquisition as...
I'm Not Impressionable, I Just Want to Be Exactly Like You
November 25, 2000
There was a time, not too long ago, when I thought I might be coming down with Tourette's Syndrome. I was cursing all the time. "Funny as sin" suddenly seemed much less attractive than "funny as fuck". Even my internal voice was swearing up a blue streak. Profanities would just jump out of me. I'd be talking to one of...
There was a time, not too long ago, when I thought I might be coming down with Tourette's Syndrome. I was cursing all the time. "Funny as sin" suddenly seemed much less attractive than "funny as fuck". Even my internal voice was swearing up a blue streak. Profanities would just jump out of me. I'd be talking to one of...
Chance's Usefulness Cannot Be Overstated (II)
November 24, 2000
Part 2 of 2 (part 1) Oh, Juliet hated him with a vengeance after that. Eric's attempts to strike up a friendship and reconcile as best he could were met with such fierce loathing that he quickly gave up trying. Sharon at least accepted his life. Feeling a warm wave of gratitude towards her, Eric slipped the die off the table...
Part 2 of 2 (part 1) Oh, Juliet hated him with a vengeance after that. Eric's attempts to strike up a friendship and reconcile as best he could were met with such fierce loathing that he quickly gave up trying. Sharon at least accepted his life. Feeling a warm wave of gratitude towards her, Eric slipped the die off the table...
Chance's Usefulness Cannot Be Overstated
November 23, 2000
Part 1 of 2 (part 2) "Thank you, John," Eric said, reading the waiter's name tag. "Would you mind rolling this die for me?" He extended his hand towards the waiter, a many-sided die sitting on his upturned palm. The waiter looked at Eric with sudden caution, clearly thinking of making a break for it. The woman sitting across the table...
Part 1 of 2 (part 2) "Thank you, John," Eric said, reading the waiter's name tag. "Would you mind rolling this die for me?" He extended his hand towards the waiter, a many-sided die sitting on his upturned palm. The waiter looked at Eric with sudden caution, clearly thinking of making a break for it. The woman sitting across the table...
Where Have All the Birdies Gone?
November 22, 2000
I swear I heard this same sort of question on NPR (I think on Rewind's Helen segment) and Helen said when birds die, they fall from the sky. I wouldn't have made that up. Unlike lots of other stuff, which I do happily make up. But then T~ brought up the question again, wondering why we don't see more dead...
I swear I heard this same sort of question on NPR (I think on Rewind's Helen segment) and Helen said when birds die, they fall from the sky. I wouldn't have made that up. Unlike lots of other stuff, which I do happily make up. But then T~ brought up the question again, wondering why we don't see more dead...
Hydrate Now, for Tonight We Drink!!!
November 21, 2000
"Very important facts to know: 12-ounce can of beer has 146 calories; 3.5 ounces of wine has about 70 calories per goblet; a 1.5-ounce shot of gin, rum, vodka, or whiskey pours anywhere from 97 to 124 calories into your glass. Everyone in the audience should write those vital statistics on a wallet-sized card and laminate it! Chant it as...
"Very important facts to know: 12-ounce can of beer has 146 calories; 3.5 ounces of wine has about 70 calories per goblet; a 1.5-ounce shot of gin, rum, vodka, or whiskey pours anywhere from 97 to 124 calories into your glass. Everyone in the audience should write those vital statistics on a wallet-sized card and laminate it! Chant it as...
Horoscopes for the Underserved
November 20, 2000
Sagittariusnov 22 - dec 21 Spiders: Beware of building webs in updrafts. This will not be a good month for fly catching. Beware an idiot child or dog crashing through your web on the 15th, 22nd, and 30th. The Fates decree an opportunity for a huge catch on the 11th, if you can find a nice low shrub to build...
Sagittariusnov 22 - dec 21 Spiders: Beware of building webs in updrafts. This will not be a good month for fly catching. Beware an idiot child or dog crashing through your web on the 15th, 22nd, and 30th. The Fates decree an opportunity for a huge catch on the 11th, if you can find a nice low shrub to build...
An Opportunity to Use the Word "Panoply"
November 19, 2000
There's not much more annoying than house stuff going wrong, is there? You are resting at home, reading a nice book, when, all the sudden, tragedy strikes. The carpet is on fire. The floor outside the hot water heater's closet is suddenly covered in a suspiciously expensive looking puddle of water. Or the chimney starts leaking. The night is bucketing...
There's not much more annoying than house stuff going wrong, is there? You are resting at home, reading a nice book, when, all the sudden, tragedy strikes. The carpet is on fire. The floor outside the hot water heater's closet is suddenly covered in a suspiciously expensive looking puddle of water. Or the chimney starts leaking. The night is bucketing...
The Library Recommends: Death
November 18, 2000
Recently, I went to the library, wondering what career I should have next, looking for one of those aptitude tests we took during high school that would tell me I should be a dentist or something like that. Actually, I have very little recollection of what jobs it told me in high school that I would be suited for. I...
Recently, I went to the library, wondering what career I should have next, looking for one of those aptitude tests we took during high school that would tell me I should be a dentist or something like that. Actually, I have very little recollection of what jobs it told me in high school that I would be suited for. I...
Wednesday Quiz: Who Are You?
November 17, 2000
The Wednesday Quiz: What is the central tenet of what you consider to be yourself? Put a million other ways to help elicit a response: What is at the core of what you call you? If you had one line in the history books, what would you want it to read? When you are talking to yourself in the mirror,...
The Wednesday Quiz: What is the central tenet of what you consider to be yourself? Put a million other ways to help elicit a response: What is at the core of what you call you? If you had one line in the history books, what would you want it to read? When you are talking to yourself in the mirror,...
Worst Day Ever
November 16, 2000
S~ asked around. She talked to her family as a sort of beta-test, and they agreed. She called a meeting of her friends. They came right over, bringing bread and wine. James brought the trophy, which he'd had for a solid six months. They listened to her story, and yes, she got the Worst Day Ever trophy. "It all started...
S~ asked around. She talked to her family as a sort of beta-test, and they agreed. She called a meeting of her friends. They came right over, bringing bread and wine. James brought the trophy, which he'd had for a solid six months. They listened to her story, and yes, she got the Worst Day Ever trophy. "It all started...
Fear of George
November 15, 2000
Babel \BAY-bul or BA-bul\ (noun)1 : a city in Shinar where the building of a tower is held in Genesis to have been halted by the confusion of tongues *2 : often not capitalized a : a confusion of sounds or voices b : a scene of noise or confusion The problem with the Tower of Babel story is that...
Babel \BAY-bul or BA-bul\ (noun)1 : a city in Shinar where the building of a tower is held in Genesis to have been halted by the confusion of tongues *2 : often not capitalized a : a confusion of sounds or voices b : a scene of noise or confusion The problem with the Tower of Babel story is that...
Brittle Bones Through Science
November 14, 2000
I had no idea this was true until someone told me they had heard that caffeine inhibits calcium absorption. I chuckled in good natured disbelief, and then, always eager to impress the hotties with my ability to type keywords into a search engine, hopped online to check it out. "Alcohol, caffeine, sodas -- Calcium absorption is blocked if you drink...
I had no idea this was true until someone told me they had heard that caffeine inhibits calcium absorption. I chuckled in good natured disbelief, and then, always eager to impress the hotties with my ability to type keywords into a search engine, hopped online to check it out. "Alcohol, caffeine, sodas -- Calcium absorption is blocked if you drink...
The Doors to a Better Tomorrow
November 13, 2000
It's probably just spam, but what an interesting concept! You were recently referred to me as someone who was ready for a CHANGE, a financial breakthrough, so I'll get right to the point. Why do some people live in the glorious world of the wealthiest top 1% of people, while others, perhaps you yourself, are relegated to the sewers, forced...
It's probably just spam, but what an interesting concept! You were recently referred to me as someone who was ready for a CHANGE, a financial breakthrough, so I'll get right to the point. Why do some people live in the glorious world of the wealthiest top 1% of people, while others, perhaps you yourself, are relegated to the sewers, forced...
Hanna Wasn't Happy
November 12, 2000
Heather got off the bus at the Pike Street stop. She liked the feeling of the cobblestone intersection under her feet, and she liked to walk the last four blocks into work. It gave her a little time to shift gears, to move from school and home concerns to work thoughts. Also, it avoided the trouble of people making assumptions...
Heather got off the bus at the Pike Street stop. She liked the feeling of the cobblestone intersection under her feet, and she liked to walk the last four blocks into work. It gave her a little time to shift gears, to move from school and home concerns to work thoughts. Also, it avoided the trouble of people making assumptions...
Sign Here, Please
November 11, 2000
I was walking to the bus stop on Friday when it hit me that I had nothing to declare, nothing to label, and nothing to brand, and haven't had for quite some time. While my signature has grown increasingly important as adulthood settles more and more firmly on my shoulders, my name seems to be fading away. The thought had...
I was walking to the bus stop on Friday when it hit me that I had nothing to declare, nothing to label, and nothing to brand, and haven't had for quite some time. While my signature has grown increasingly important as adulthood settles more and more firmly on my shoulders, my name seems to be fading away. The thought had...
A Pedantic Insipid Self-Indictment
November 10, 2000
Here's a funny little book, it's called the dictionary. I guarantee that the public library has one, available to all and sundry to stroll in and peruse to their heart's content. People need to make better use of it. Here is a short list of words that "insipid" is not a synonym for: "interesting", "weird", "scary/frightening", "argumentative", and "clever". Here...
Here's a funny little book, it's called the dictionary. I guarantee that the public library has one, available to all and sundry to stroll in and peruse to their heart's content. People need to make better use of it. Here is a short list of words that "insipid" is not a synonym for: "interesting", "weird", "scary/frightening", "argumentative", and "clever". Here...
She Manufactures An Opening
November 09, 2000
Also: The Bus Crush Fall has definitely arrived. It's bracing in the mornings, and I've taken to wearing a cap in addition to the fuzzy jacket. A little grey jacket - cap ensemble. The closest I'll get to a matching ensemble, anyway. And then the Friday that I was going to a play that evening, I was sporting the overcoat...
Also: The Bus Crush Fall has definitely arrived. It's bracing in the mornings, and I've taken to wearing a cap in addition to the fuzzy jacket. A little grey jacket - cap ensemble. The closest I'll get to a matching ensemble, anyway. And then the Friday that I was going to a play that evening, I was sporting the overcoat...
Superheroes in America
November 08, 2000
No judgement implied here. Just found these two journals, one with gorgeous guy handwriting, one in a barely literate scrawl. They happened to cover the same time period and city. Interesting compare and contrast. Just presenting, not judging. 11/06/2000 16:22:05 — Monday Pretty dull day today. Boy, do I ever dislike Mondays. It's nothing against the day, per se, it's...
No judgement implied here. Just found these two journals, one with gorgeous guy handwriting, one in a barely literate scrawl. They happened to cover the same time period and city. Interesting compare and contrast. Just presenting, not judging. 11/06/2000 16:22:05 — Monday Pretty dull day today. Boy, do I ever dislike Mondays. It's nothing against the day, per se, it's...
Poverty and the Minimum Wage
November 07, 2000
A friend of mine wrote a while back: "I was totally into the Libertarians for a while. One election a person running on the Libertarian ticket said the minimum wage should be raised to $12/hour. The Libertarians lost me forever." It made me wonder what she had against the $12 minimum wage. Seems like that would be the minimum you...
A friend of mine wrote a while back: "I was totally into the Libertarians for a while. One election a person running on the Libertarian ticket said the minimum wage should be raised to $12/hour. The Libertarians lost me forever." It made me wonder what she had against the $12 minimum wage. Seems like that would be the minimum you...
And Then She Shafted Me at Only $250k
November 06, 2000
When I bought my house, I didn't have anything like 20% down. I don't know who these 20% down first-time homebuyers are, but they're definitely freaks of nature in our crazy Seattle market. So I was stuck paying PMI (private mortgage insurance. The biggest rip-off this side of the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes) because even with way overextending myself, I could...
When I bought my house, I didn't have anything like 20% down. I don't know who these 20% down first-time homebuyers are, but they're definitely freaks of nature in our crazy Seattle market. So I was stuck paying PMI (private mortgage insurance. The biggest rip-off this side of the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes) because even with way overextending myself, I could...
Love Young Love
November 04, 2000
The one thing that may be sweeter than a crush would be young love. But since I stand no chance of ever getting to experience young love again myself, let's selfishly agree to call young love the second-best thing, granting that it is second only to a good crush. Two young kids at the theatre, going in to watch some...
The one thing that may be sweeter than a crush would be young love. But since I stand no chance of ever getting to experience young love again myself, let's selfishly agree to call young love the second-best thing, granting that it is second only to a good crush. Two young kids at the theatre, going in to watch some...
Welcome Welcome Welcome to Expectations*
November 03, 2000
*If you haven't read _The Phantom Tollbooth_, stop reading and go out and buy a copy. By Norman Juster. Your life will be significantly enriched. Guaranteed. Or your wasted time will be cheerfully refunded. "What's the state abbreviation for Maine?""Do you have a calculator?""What's the difference between a fable, legend, and myth? Why are they listed in that order? I...
*If you haven't read _The Phantom Tollbooth_, stop reading and go out and buy a copy. By Norman Juster. Your life will be significantly enriched. Guaranteed. Or your wasted time will be cheerfully refunded. "What's the state abbreviation for Maine?""Do you have a calculator?""What's the difference between a fable, legend, and myth? Why are they listed in that order? I...
A Day in the Life of a Gnat
November 02, 2000
I've been told that my mother was the most beautiful sight anyone can remember seeing in this part of the world in recent memory. She was delicate and frail, but had the face of an angel. If you look at the faces of my brothers and sisters, you can easily believe it is true. We all share a definition of...
I've been told that my mother was the most beautiful sight anyone can remember seeing in this part of the world in recent memory. She was delicate and frail, but had the face of an angel. If you look at the faces of my brothers and sisters, you can easily believe it is true. We all share a definition of...
TALES OF TRIVIAL SUPERPOWERS!
November 01, 2000
[Open with birds-eye shot of 70's suburbia. Dusk. The street lights flicker on in a uniform sweep, just as regular as the line of earth-toned ramblers that line the street.] [Slow zoom in on block, then on house,] NARRATOR: Born and raised in Anytown, U.S.A., to loving parents and a safe home, [then on yard; bike lying on its side,...
[Open with birds-eye shot of 70's suburbia. Dusk. The street lights flicker on in a uniform sweep, just as regular as the line of earth-toned ramblers that line the street.] [Slow zoom in on block, then on house,] NARRATOR: Born and raised in Anytown, U.S.A., to loving parents and a safe home, [then on yard; bike lying on its side,...