Driver Disclosure

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Do you remember those Baby On Board warning signs that cars had in the 80's? The ones that spawned "Babe on Board", "Aliens On Board", "Sex Machine On Board", and other charming spinoffs?

I propose that we should pass a law requiring that some sort of a similar mechanism be employed to display driver demographic information in the back window of every car on the road. "29yo Male Driving" "83yo Grandma Driving" "47yo Angry White Male Driving" "16yo Female Driving" "39yo Mom with 4 kids on board Driving"

Because if you know that extra information, you may well decide to treat all those different types of people very differently on the road. I know I would.

Just this last evening I was driving home, and getting very annoyed at someone in this phenomenally slow little white escort in front of me. They had tons of space in front of them and yet were still driving ten miles under the speed limit, and I was boxed in behind them. It was infuriating, and when I finally could, I whipped out and started to zip past her. Suddenly I saw that it was this little old lady, leaning forward, clearly straining to go as fast as she could and be safe. I felt really bad for having had all those harsh thoughts at her car. If I had only known, I would have been all cool and relaxed, letting the little old lady drive as slow as she wanted to.

And wouldn't it be helpful to know which cars were being driven by teens so you could give them a nice wide berth? It would be even better if cars driven by teens could be outfitted with additional indicators, like maybe a rhythmic bass thumping to let you know when one was nearby. Oh, wait, yeah...

And if you knew that the car weaving all over the road was full of kids and just one mom to keep them in line, you wouldn't get quite as annoyed at them, either. You could figure her sins were being sufficiently punished in real-time.

We could all have a lot more empathy if only we had enough additional information. When all we see are a bunch of metal boxes rolling down the streets, yeah, of course you expect them to all behave like they were being driven by you. But if you could know something about the people inside, that would really help. I bet we'd have a lot less road rage, and a lot more considerate people. Back me up here. You'd be nicer if you knew more about the people behind the wheels, right?

With technology, the possibilities just take right off. You could include a little readerboard in which you might type information about how you're feeling or what sort of day you had or other extenuating circumstances. "Just lost a million dollar account at work. Kind of in a daze. Filled with an aimless but bountiful sense of rage. Beware!"

Or how about a little camera that broadcasts you against the back window, so the people behind you can see what you look like? Who could get mad at Grandpa if you are actually seeing his face leaning scanning the road, eyes slightly squinted?

It would cut dramatically down on driver nose picking, which would be an unavoidable but tragic side-effect. And in some cases, having a camera view could actually make other people on the road angrier at your bad driving, if they saw you were eating a burger in one hand with a shake in the other and steering with your knees. Or putting on makeup rather than watching the road. Or futzing with the radio or talking on a cell phone.

Although, at least you would know in advance that the task of driving wasn't getting their full attention, and you could drive more defensively around them. Or your could play Spy Hunter and drive them off the road. I think both should be legal options.

Do you have that problem with racecar video driving games, or is it just me? I will spend an evening at Gameworks, and be playing the driving games where you're racing at 170mph, and you can bump the other cars off the track, and where the pedal is always fully depressed unless you're leaning off a bit on the turns, and having a fine time. And then when I get back into my car, it takes all sorts of extra concentration to remember to go the speed limit, and to avoid thinking of bumping other people off the road as a legitimate driving tool.

There have, in fact, been several times on those curvy merge-onto-the-freeway ramps where I've taken them way too fast and been deeply nervous (providing me valuable insight into how my passengers feel all the time) all of the sudden when the car seems like it's going to slide, and it's always been right after an exciting round of racecar video games. But that might just be me. Maybe everyone else isn't so impressionable and has better success keeping reality straight in their heads.

So please, contact your representatives and senators today and tell them you support the creation and speedy implementation of the Driver Disclosure Act!

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On Sleep Deprivation

I find that I am experiencing just about all the sleep deprivations symptoms listed here this week, on my marathon persuit to be present at the CC for 9 consecutive days. It wasn't till my second graveyard shift (and accompany 40 sequential hours of wakefulness) that the symptoms were keen enough to both be experienced and actually commented on. The disappearance of my short-term memory is the most surprising of the lot. Have you seen Momento? Suddenly, I'm living that life. Everything I was thinking about three minutes ago is completely gone. If I want to reconstruct something, I have to go back to a memory like ten minutes old and work forward from there till I rediscover why I am sitting on this porceline thing with my pants down. It's really quite distracting.

The thing that I would add to the article's discussion is that sleep deprivation makes me weirdly honest and disclosing. I find myself saying all sorts of things that I wouldn't otherwise dare to say in my normal life. I have that whole weird alcohol problem where I don't get any good drunk effects. But if I did experience drunkenness as anything more than loss of coordination, I'll bet this is what it would be like. Sudden spooky loss of inhibitions. Internal auditing voice out for a long lunch, leaving me with no processing at all for appropriateness between inside and outside voices. That should be my pre-party activities. Everyone else will get drunk, I will have stayed up the last 40 hours, we'll all be on the same page.